Marital Damage Control

MARITAL DAMAGE CONTROL

I have 53 bible study topics waiting for me to write them, and one of the customers on my route asks me to pray for him and his marriage, and write another one for him to read to give him biblical guidance to proceed in trying to save it; wow.  I don't mind; it just means God is expecting me to latch the sideboards on my plate and take care of a brother and sister in need!
First off, any married couple must start off equally yoked; "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?" (2 Cor. 6:14)  If one of you doesn't want to accept Scriptural advice, you can't be helped.  You both have to agree that the bible is right in it's advice and try to rebuild the relationship back to the way it was, and maybe even better!

#1. The husband is in charge. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." (Eph. 5:22 - 24)  "Unto the woman He said, 'I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.'" (Gen. 3:16)  Wives, don't get too upset; I haven't started on the husbands yet!  As every believer surrenders to Christ, so a wife is to submit to her husband.  He says, "Sorry, honey, can't afford that dress/necklace/bracelet/other bauble of any expense," then it is so.  If your husband tells you to do something you know isn't right, you might start by telling him you will do as he commands, and maybe ask him if he has examined it for reason of this flaw or another, and he may reconsider, but nevertheless, as Hosea obeyed the Lord and married a wife of whoredoms, so do as he does bid, so long as it is not disobedience to God's commandments and statutes.

Also, behave as a good wife, that he may cherish you not just because of your submission, but also because of all the good you bring to the marriage.  "Who can find a virtuous woman?  For her price is far above rubies.  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.  She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.  She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.  She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.  She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.  She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.  She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.  She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.  She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.  She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.  She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple." (Prov. 31:10 - 22)  Basically this proverb is saying that this is the excellent wife of a pleased husband.  She knows how to work to create gain for them.  "She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.  Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.  She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.  Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.  Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.  Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." (Prov. 31:24 - 31)  This model wife knows what she's talking about, takes care of business, and knows how to raise the kids correctly.  She knows when to be humble, and fears the Lord, and she deserves all the good things she works for.  If a wife strives to do all this, she can hardly be found at fault in a marriage.  If anything of this is missing from the wife's part in the marriage, let her do what is necessary to recover.  If necessary, ask advice from your husband, because you're a team!

#2. - Husbands, love your wives as you do your own self!  "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.  He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." (Eph. 5:25 - 33)  Let a man be a virgin to all womankind excepting his wife, and not let there be any hint otherwise.  Not a singles advertisement in the mailbox, nor a filled subscription to a pornographic magazine.  Treat your wife as you would treat yourself; would you cheat on yourself?  Would you like her to cheat on you?  "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3)  You have to work together!  Treat her likewise, and be clean of carnality against her.  Consider the moral fiber of Uriah the Hittite; "And David said to Uriah, 'Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet.'  And Uriah departed out of the king's house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king.  But Uriah slept at the door of the king's house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house.  And when they had told David, saying, 'Uriah went not down unto his house', David said unto Uriah, 'Camest thou not from thy journey?  Why then didst thou not go down unto thine house?'  And Uriah said unto David, 'The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife?  As thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing." (2 Sam. 11:8 - 11)  We should all be of moral and ethical fiber, of good character, that our wife might be pleased of all reports of we who are husbands.  Let our wives never hear that we can be found in a tavern, drinking, or doing some other thing to bring her shame of our behavior.  My wife's girlfriends ask her questions concerning me, and she is quick to answer them an answer I would be pleased with.  Likewise, I do the same on her behalf, such as the fact that though she be handicapped, she has never ruined a meal in 31 years!  Men. love your wives; I brought mine a box of chocolates just today!  Bring your wife flowers on a day for no reason; spontaneously tell her not to bother cooking, you're taking her to dinner.  I take mine to breakfast more often than dinner, but take her out!  Respark that marriage!

I know another couple whom I cannot help, and their marriage is of surety headed for ruin, and nothing I can do to help save them, because while they are equally yoked, they are both unbelievers, and that is to their hurt.  His tongue is full of poison, no sentence goes without a cursing word of some sort, and few are the days he doesn't speak ill of his wife to her hurt.  So long as neither will repent and turn to Christ, I cannot help them.  If the bible means nothing to them, how can they be enlightened to the road of repairing their marriage?  I shall add them to my already long prayer list.  No wonder the bible has it written, "Pray without ceasing." (1 Thess. 5:17)

It's really simple; love one another as you do your own selves; be pure toward one another, and of your own selves, that the wife and the husband shall be pleased with one another.  Raise your children to know the way of the Lord, that they may be a joy to you when they are old enough to be on their own.  "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Prov. 22:6)  Start when they are very young, for corruption and evil is as a ravenous wolf in the school systems.  Forgive one another what has taken place already, because neither of you can take back past mistakes, and besides, it is Jesus' commandment! "But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses." (Mark 11:26)  Lastly, communicate with your spouse, but do this; "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." (Eph. 4:29)